Building Neighborly Friendships
It eliminates one of the biggest fears that the lonely have about dying.
One of my favorite books, The Art of Dying Well by Katy Butler, lays out specific ways to improve all aspects of our lives. She has checklists that help us age in healthy, wonderful ways through every phase of middle and old age.
This includes specific things to do in our fifties that reduce the risk of loneliness, social isolation, and dying without anyone noticing for a few days.
Believe it or not, I hear this from a lot of people. When I ask about end-of-life fears, clients tell me they’re afraid of dying unexpectedly, going undiscovered for several days, and then getting eaten by their pets.
I kid you not.
At the top of Katy Butler’s list for my age group is getting to know our neighbors. But we can do this at any stage of life. I’ll go into many ways that neighborly friendships improve life.
But statistically, they’ll be the first to know if you’re not out checking your mail, and then check on you instead.
So, let’s put that fear to rest and get to know the people who live all around us. That’s what I set out to do.
Benefits of Befriending Neighbors
Friendly neighbors act as an informal safety net. I live in a high-rise in Chicago’s Lakeview East neighborhood. In the three years I’ve been here, I’ve made it a point to get to know the people who live in my building and on my floor.
And I’ve noticed something.
I’ve found that becoming friends with my neighbors offers real emotional, social, and practical benefits.
A Built-In Support System
I have one neighbor who’s confined to a wheelchair. His home health aides don’t work on the weekends. Sometimes, on a Sunday evening, he needs some assistance filling up his water bottles or reaching things in the back of his freezer.
That’s where we, his neighbors, step in to help.
Another neighbor couldn’t find her cat after they moved in. The little guy hid in a crawl space behind the refrigerator and wouldn’t come out. My neighbor was taking out the trash and, in near tears, explained to the couple next door about her predicament. They suggested she play audio recordings of cats meowing to coax the kitty out of her hiding place.
It worked!
I’ve read about neighbors sharing everything from gardening tips to riding lawn mowers. Some of my friends live in an area where their neighbors organized a tool library. My in-laws set up a neighborhood carpool when their kids all attended the same school.
Friendships between neighbors make everyday life more affordable and efficient.
And who hasn’t needed to borrow a Band-Aid or cup of sugar from time to time? It’s nice knowing the people around us when those needs arise.
Improved Safety
Neighborhoods with strong social ties have lower crime rates. When people know each other, they’re more likely to notice suspicious activity, check on one another, and keep the area safer overall.
When I first heard the tornado sirens blaring outside, I had no idea what to do. Tornadoes in Chicago? Seriously? My neighbors explained what to look for and where to go in case of an emergency.
No matter where you live, neighbors are often the first responders before official help arrives during storms, power outages, etc. Knowing them can save lives.
People who feel connected to their neighborhood are also more likely to care about what happens in it. This means showing up to vote in local elections, attending community meetings, or advocating for change.
Better Mental and Emotional Health
Even casual relationships, like saying hello to someone on your street, make people feel better. Neighborhoods where folks chat over fences, gather for block parties, or exchange garden tips are more pleasant to live in.
It creates a sense of belonging.
My neighbors span different age groups. When we’re all out by the pool, the older adults enjoy the vitality of the kids and young families. My younger neighbors benefit from the wisdom and life experience of elders.
It’s a win-win for everyone.
Small moments like spontaneous conversations, shared meals, or celebrating milestones bring great happiness. They’re more likely to happen in neighborhoods where we know each other. And if a problem arises, everyone is more likely to resolve it kindly because of these friendly relationships.
Invitations to Gather
In my fifties, life has started to shift in different ways. My kids graduated from college and moved out. My career changed and began to slow down. The daily routines that once kept my social calendars full started to loosen.
And I moved to a completely new city where I didn’t know anyone.
It’s probably a bit easier socializing in a suburban area. Sitting on your porch, walking your dog, gardening in the front yard, or reading in a lawn chair creates gentle openings for connection. These visible acts signal availability.
They’re an invitation to small talk.
In my apartment building, I did this in the mailroom, lobby, or by the pool. I reminded myself that from visibility comes ritual. Greeting someone again and again over weeks built familiarity. I asked about their book clubs. Mentioned a shared delivery mix-up.
I kept it light, but regular.
In The Art of Dying Well, Butler urges us to consider how we’ve related to others throughout life: "Have you mostly been a ‘taker,’ an ‘exchanger,’ or a ‘giver’?" Midlife is the perfect time to lean into exchange and generosity.
It starts with a thank you when someone brings in your garbage can, or a shared effort to clear snow from the sidewalk. I hold the elevator door for someone running to catch up. These small acts of reciprocity plant the seeds for trust.
When comfort grew, I deepened the connection.
I love using my German punchbowl in the summertime, but it’s too big for just me. So I decided to invite everyone on my floor for a happy hour one Sunday afternoon. One of my older neighbors, a woman who’s lived here for over thirty years, said I was the first person to ever do this.
Now, it’s a yearly ritual.
A gathering doesn’t have to be elaborate. I make a champagne punch and put out cheese and crackers. That’s it! Making friends with my neighbors at this stage of life is more than a nice idea. It prepares the soil for future care, joy, and resilience.
Why This Matters
Research shows that getting to know our neighbors isn't just socially rewarding. A University of Michigan study found that older adults living in neighborhoods with strong social cohesion were 17% less likely to suffer a heart attack.
Those in the most connected neighborhoods were 67% less likely to experience one.
Simply knowing about six of your neighbors has also been linked to reduced feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and depression. A multi-country study found that acts as small as greeting a neighbor or offering help measurably boosted well-being, even if they didn't lead to deep friendships.
For Black adults in Georgia, strong neighborhood ties were associated with twice the likelihood of maintaining ideal cardiovascular health. And in one study of older adults in Chicago, those who lived in more socially cohesive neighborhoods were 53% more likely to survive a stroke.
Whether you worry about being eaten by your pets or not, getting friendly with your neighbors is a simple, often overlooked way to build a support system. It’s a way to protect both your mental and physical health.
And it's never too late to start.