Everyone Mourns Differently

And why that's OK.

We know death, like taxes, is a certainty in life. There is no way to escape it. And yet, we are usually not prepared for the emotions that follow when a loved one dies. We feel surprised by how our closest loved ones deal with the loss, especially if their grief looks different.

On an intellectual level, we know that everyone grieves and mourns differently. We understand that’s okay.

But how we feel in the moment, while we’re actually mourning, is a very different story. Grief alters us. When emotions go up, cognition goes down. As a result, we don’t always respond with logic.

Different Ways of Mourning a Loss

The death of a loved one isn’t the only time we experience grief. Throughout our lives, we mourn when a relationship ends or we lose a job. Some of my clients transition from independent to assisted living, and that’s a loss of sorts.

While common grief looks familiar to us – people wearing black, appearing sad or forlorn for a short period while seeming to heal and re-enter society…