Gracefully Surrender the Things of Youth

This is one of many wise mantras in the epic poem Desiderata. And it's not ageist.

Too often, we are accused of ageism when we make a compelling case for older folks to embrace the value and wisdom of letting go. This accusation silences what could otherwise be a productive conversation.

I'm not falling for it. As an end-of-life doula, I see what happens every day to people who never learn how to step aside. It's horrifying.

Clinging is the root of all suffering. And dying while clinging to life is emotionally painful and uncomfortable for everyone.

Similarly, older folks clinging to "the things of youth" - decades before death - is just as horrifying. It prevents new ideas from taking root.

We cannot play the same role at 80 that we did at 50. Insisting that we can denies younger generations their agency. As a result, they understandably feel a kind of bitterness and resentment that hurts everyone.

We need wise elders to turn to for guidance. A generational tug-of-war prevents that kind of cooperation. It shows up to our children and grandchildren as fear—fear of chan…