Not Religious?
A humanist funeral or memorial service might be right for you.
Spiritual or secular, if you don’t belong to a specific religious affiliation, chances are you still want ritual and community. And why not? Secular rituals, similar to religious ones, reduce stress and anxiety.
Building community improves our relationships. We enjoy improved focus and self-esteem.
When you’re pre-planning your funeral or memorial service, consider how this might benefit your loved ones. If you aren’t religious, a humanist service can still provide comfort. It publicly acknowledges your life and commemorates your passing.
As a result, this helps to heal your friends, family and loved ones.
What is Humanism?
Humanism is a philosophy grounded in ethics and reason, with adherents believing that there’s only one life so let’s shape that life in the here and now.
Humanists strive to do good and this approach to living is shared by millions of like-minded people. They value family, community, kindness, and tolerance for the differences in others.
You don’t have to belong to a Universalist church or formal humanist movement to have a humanist ceremony. This is a good choice for anyone who isn’t religious and yet wants a personal, secular, and welcoming service.
Humanist funerals are becoming popular as more people reject organized religion. In fact, 26% of the U.S. population now identify as ‘non-religious’. That number grows each year.
One benefit of a welcoming and inclusive humanist ceremony is its focus on the deceased rather than dogma. This allows loved ones to participate in meaningful grief rituals specifically tailored to the person they are mourning.
Making meaning is important in the grieving process no matter our belief system.
Make It Your Own
These non-religious ceremonies generally emphasize the importance of the individual who passed away. They also allow loved ones, and all kinds of families, to come together to remember and comfort one another. After all, the primary humanist principle declares every life as important.
This broad and open-minded worldview allows every ceremony to be as unique as the person who died.
As a death doula and celebrant, I often write and lead humanist end-of-life ceremonies. Family and friends play an important part. Their participation, along with my client’s pre-planned arrangements, guide me every step of the way.
We collaborate on the following:
Music
Poetry
Readings
Lighting candles, decorating the casket or urn, and other symbolic gestures
Other ideas for a humanist funeral or memorial service include:
Planting flowers or trees
Singing songs
Toasting as a group in honor of the deceased loved one
Humanist funerals are conducted anywhere. Memorial services are similar but without a body present. For your ceremony, you can choose a funeral home, cemetery, crematorium, life celebration center, or anywhere the body is interred.
Other locations include:
Favorite restaurant or hotel
Home
Local theatre or community center
Public garden
Public, private, city, state, or federal park
Beach
I’ve also held humanist memorial services at gathering rooms of a favorite theme park. Plan this in any space that’s relevant to you or your loved ones.
Humanist services also allow time for people who need to travel to get there. This is in contrast to a Jewish, Islamic, Catholic, or Baptist service, where people usually gather within 1-3 days after the death to bury or cremate the deceased.
A Typical Schedule
Some honored and reliable traditions provide comfort. That’s why people use them.
They’re automatic.
They “think” for grieving mourners who don’t always want to make serious decisions while they’re understandably upset. One of the many benefits of making these decisions yourself, ahead of time, is that it allows loved ones to mourn without distraction.
A humanist funeral or memorial service can do the same thing while reflecting your personality and values. There are no steadfast traditions or strict rules. As a result, this can feel liberating as you plan the schedule.
Here’s a sample of what a humanist funeral or memorial service might look like:
Introductory music or picture slideshow
Welcoming guests and loved ones
Non-religious thoughts on life and death
A tribute to the life of the deceased, using stories and anecdotes, from different perspectives (a child, a sibling, a friend, etc.)
Poetry readings
Moment of silence to remember, may or may not include background music
The committal (curtains close, coffin lowers, etc.)
Final words and music selections
Planning and Attending
If you are planning a ceremony for yourself, gather some things together. As I mentioned above, doing this ahead of time is a wonderful gift to give loved ones. Then they won’t have to make guesses about what you’d want.
Consider:
Anecdotes and stories about your life to share
Selecting poems and readings
Making a playlist of favorite songs
Writing the guest list
Symbolic gestures to include
The tone – solemn, humorous, or a combination?
Attending one’s own celebration of life or hosting a living funeral is becoming more popular. For example, some people paying for this event also want to enjoy it. They want to hear their loved one’s eulogies.
It’s often a wonderful way to commemorate this sacred time at the end of your life.
Other Considerations
Many humanist funerals take place at green cemeteries. An eco-friendly burial sometimes goes hand in hand with a person’s humanist values. Therefore pairing the two makes sense.
Do you want your body embalmed? Would you prefer a natural pine casket or shroud with no metals or plastic? You’ll find many ways this works with a secular ceremony.
If your humanist memorial service follows a direct cremation, then instead of a casket, the cremains will be present, and the service may include a scattering or burial.
Get Started
No matter your decisions and plans, when you’re finished making them, either write or record your wishes. Pay for them with a local funeral director.
Then discuss your plans with loved ones and give them a printed or emailed copy to save.
This is the best way to communicate what you want and ensure a unique ceremony that is all about you. Contact me anytime for more ideas and support.