Pre-Need Funeral Planning: Terms & Definitions

Give your loved ones a precious gift. Plan your funeral or memorial service now, before the need arises, so they don't have to.

One of the services that I provided early on in my death doula career was helping people make funeral plans way before they received a terminal diagnosis. This is called "pre-need planning." In fact, when I lived in Florida, I was a licensed pre-need counselor.

While clients were relatively healthy, we discussed their post-death wishes.

This usually involved talking about plans for their bodies, ceremonial considerations, and religious doctrines. We talked about funerals and memorial services. No two post-death plans were ever the same. Preparations were as unique as the people doing the planning.

After leaving Florida for Illinois, I'm no longer a pre-need counselor. But I learned a lot. And I'd like to share some of that with you.

Pre-Need Checklist

Anitya Doula Services is an educational consulting organization and is in no way considered a funeral establishment. Anitya Doula Services and Catherine Durkin Robinson provide requested consulting services and private or public education. 

Many clients would book a session with me not knowing the proper words for what they wanted or needed.

That’s okay!

Before I started working in this realm, I didn’t know these terms either. Let’s dive in and learn more about pre-need planning.

Coffin or Casket

Funeral directors use caskets to move the deceased in preparation for burials and cremations. Made with metal, wood, or eco-friendly materials, they have a rectangular shape with four sides and a lid with hinges. Rails, or handles, are along the sides.

They can have a cloth interior.

Casket manufacturers will say this creates a comfortable and relaxing setting. But honestly, the deceased is…deceased. If someone buys a casket with a fancy satin interior, that’s fine. But no one should say it has anything to do with making a dead person comfortable.

Coffins are similar to caskets. Made of wood with a cloth interior, they too transport the deceased for burial or cremation.

The main difference is how they look.

Coffins have six sides; the top is noticeably wider than the bottom. The top also comes off completely, rather than just partly with hinges like a casket. Additionally, the body of the coffin resembles the body of a human being.

Coffins at one time were popular, but soon caskets were preferable in the United States. They didn’t taper at the bottom and seemed grander. They’re also more expensive than coffins.

However, they don’t have to be.

Find yourself a funeral home with reasonable pricing.

Part of what’s great about pre-need planning is you have the time to shop around. Compare prices and lock them in. Afterward, inflated prices down the road aren't your concern.

And what if you change your mind? No worries.

Most states require that your pre-planning money goes into a trust, only to be used "at need" or when you die. If you change your mind, you can normally take the money out and put it toward other plans.

Be sure to call your local funeral home for more details about this provision.

Sometimes I get calls from Jewish clients or people wanting eco-friendly options. We discuss simple caskets made from pine wood with no cloth interior. Most of the families I work with believe that simple is best.

This is in line with their religious or ecological beliefs.

Some may want a burial at a conservation or preservation cemetery. Such cemeteries don’t allow any metal or plastic in burial containers. I recommend you call around to see what green burial options exist in your city or town.

Urn

If you choose cremation, you'll need an urn to hold your cremains afterward. This is true whether you choose traditional cremation or water cremation.

Some clients use the urn simply as a holding place before their loved ones scatter the cremains at a desired location. Others display the urn at home as a memorial to whoever has died.

Another possibility: some religions require the cremains to be buried in the ground. That's when arrangments must be made, and plots purchased so that the religious rules can be followed.

Urns can be ornate or resemble the personality of the deceased. They can also be biodegradable and naturally break down in water or in the ground.

Funeral Directors

Funeral directors, as they’re called today, play an important role. They direct memorial services and funerals. But I’d argue that they play an even more important role in our society.

They provide much-needed guidance during a very tough time.

In short, funeral directors are licensed professionals. You call them when a loved one passes away. They take care of the details and provide comfort to the family.

This includes, but is not limited to:

• ordering and/or signing death certificates,

• transporting the deceased,

• overseeing embalming, burial, or cremation,

• making arrangements for the funeral or memorial service,

• dressing the dead,

• placing the human body in the casket or coffin, and

• applying any cosmetics needed for public viewings.

The term “funeral director” is more modern and updated compared to “mortician” in America or “undertaker” in England.

Embalming

Embalmers are licensed professionals who prepare the body for burial. They may or may not also be funeral directors. Embalmers remove the blood and other natural fluids from the deceased to replace them with embalming fluid.

This delays natural decomposition for public viewings.

Evidence suggests that embalming fluid is toxic both to the embalmer and the environment. This is why conservation cemeteries don't allow embalmed bodies. It’s also against several religious laws to use embalming fluid.

For example, Judaism and Islam don't allow for embalming and interrupting the natural breakdown of bodies.

Memorials for the Grave

The headstone is the common term for a piece of granite that sits erect at the head of a grave. It tells visitors the name of the person buried beneath. Information on the headstone normally includes the name, birth/death dates, and an epitaph.

In a national cemetery, the headstone also contains information about the military branch under which they served.

Monument

These are larger headstones that sometimes take on different shapes and sizes. They can include cherubs, icons, or sculptures that are symbolic or unique to the deceased.

Marker

A marker is a smaller headstone. It sits flat on the ground and contains name, death, and birth dates. Sometimes, in a conservation cemetery, the marker is even smaller and biodegradable.

Markers are the easiest to maintain out of all the options and often the least expensive.

Importance of Pre-Need Planning

Almost every culture, religion, and tradition believes in showing deep reverence for the dead. Post-death rituals and cemeteries are important parts of these life cycle events – not only for the person who passes away but for the family as well.

That’s why it’s so important to make post-death, or pre-need plans while you’re alive.

None of my clients want their loved ones to fight or feel guilty when they’re grief-stricken. Unfortunately, that’s what happens when no plans are put in place. Mourners have to guess. And that’s when I see the most difficult arguments between families.

A wonderful gift to give your loved ones, pre-need planning discussions, or tender talks, means they won’t have to make decisions and wonder about what you would have wanted. It’s all taken care of for them.

They can concentrate on mourning and let a caring, competent funeral director put in motion everything you set up ahead of time.

Helping people with pre-need planning is a stellar example of how to ethically care for families at a most difficult time. Everyone, regardless of faith, can find comfort in this exercise.

If you’d like to talk about your own pre-need planning, don’t hesitate to give me a call. I can also recommend funeral directors I've worked with in Tampa and Chicago. Click here to reach out now.

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