The Benefits of Writing Your Life Story

At end-of-life or, even better, right now.

As a former newspaper columnist and current death doula, I often get asked to write life stories. The first thing I do is schedule 2-3 interviews. Those discussions can result in a traditional biography, but can also be the foundation for ethical wills, legacy letters, and so much more.

Sometimes I hear from people who aren’t anywhere near getting ready to die. Nevertheless, they want their biography written ahead of time for their loved ones to read “someday.”

Other times I hear from people who are dealing with a terminal diagnosis. They need their story to be a legacy project sooner rather than later.

Either way, there are real and tangible benefits to writing your life story.

8 Reasons to Get Started Now

Let’s get into some of the benefits of writing your life story or hiring a professional to do it.

1. Mood Boosting

A study conducted by palliative care expert Harvey Chochinov showed something amazing. Just a few 30-to-60-minute interviews about a person’s life significantly reduced both suffering and depression in dying people.

I see it all the time. Specific questions from me, and subsequent discussions around important memories, help my dying clients talk about all their experiences - good and bad. As a result, their brains release happy chemicals to improve their mood and help them attain a sense of peace.

The discussion doesn’t have to be formal. It can simply begin with, “Tell me about your life.” Then we go from there.

2. Helps Us Achieve Acceptance

Many people in their late 60s and beyond experience a “summarizing” phase of life. Re-examining decisions and events from the past is normal and healthy.

People also look back at major milestones differently as they age. What once seemed like a negative experience is now considered something different, more beneficial. They value the lessons that came along with these events.

When we find meaning in what’s happened to us, it's a gift.

This shouldn’t be mistaken for a lengthy “living in the past.” On the contrary, looking back doesn’t always take much time. When my clients talk with me for just a half hour, they feel better.

Sometimes, when we're finished, they suddenly feel the need to make meaningful amends, resolve outstanding issues, and reconcile with important loved ones. It brings them deep emotional comfort to do this before they die.

3. Younger Generations Better Understand Life

This desire to tell our life stories simply gets stronger as we get older. One reason elders tell stories and reminisce is because they want to give back and share their knowledge with younger people.

Future generations might one day go through similar struggles and benefit when reading our words of wisdom. Writing your life story and leaving it behind as a legacy also improves how younger people view older people. They hear an elder’s thoughts, experiences, and memories, and age differences melt away.

Older people, simply by sharing their life stories, help youngsters improve their problem-solving abilities and process grief in healthier ways. It also increases their ability to provide emotional support for themselves and others.

Sometimes my clients and I invite children, grandchildren, or other young loved ones to participate in the interviews. We combine inter-generational conversations with an audio or video recording.

These conversations decrease anxiety for both the storyteller and the listener/reader.

4. Technology Makes It Easy

My clients can take what I write and publish a printed book or we can post it on a blog or website quite easily. It’s neither expensive nor time-consuming.

Many families order just one or two beautifully designed and bound books to save for generations into the future. Other times we print smaller booklets and hand them out at the funeral or memorial service.

Death doulas like me, or personal historians, also create audio or video histories. These more elaborate creations can include songs and photographs with narration from different loved ones.

5. A Healthy, Social Activity

For my clients who feel willing and able, writing their life stories is fun. Some of them attend writing workshops or retreats with other people of similar age and increase valuable socializing time. This can be in-person or online.

They enjoy discussing similar life experiences, family lore, and funny fables.

Local libraries or other community groups host similar collectives. Participants gather to write their own stories in chunks or themes. Then they come back together to share with peers what they’ve written.

When I’m the writer, many of my client's friends and family have joined in to help me fill in the blanks when clients have memory lapses. Loved ones provided me with helpful material that included old diaries, letters, and memories of their own.

It made them feel a part of this important and historical process.

6. Giving A Gift of Love

As I said above, sometimes these stories can also be turned into “ethical wills” (documents that pass ethical values from one generation to the next) or “legacy letters” (reflections on milestone events and lessons learned.)

When I pair my clients with younger relatives to do this, elders answer pre-written questions and youngsters record the answers. Even critically ill clients can summon unimaginable energy to complete these life reviews. That’s how important it feels.

My older clients also have incredible insight related to current and historical events. When I write down their thoughts and reflections and deliver the final project to family members, they usually write to me later about how they learned so much.

Events that happened long ago became more relevant. Closure, peace, and forgiveness seemed more attainable. When aging or dying folks lovingly share their stories, their insight is immortalized for generations to come.

7. Helping Visitors

Loved ones who sit with a dying person don’t always know what to say. Too many feel uncomfortable sitting in silence. They would like to talk or discuss something meaningful.

Others feel like they might say the wrong thing and this fear keeps them from visiting.

Life reviews or discussing/writing/recording a life story is a great way to increase the connection between a dying person and those around them. Sometimes, I leave discussion prompts on post-its outside the bedroom for visitors to use and paper for them to write the answers to those prompts.

Those are the visits that resonate the most with my clients and their loved ones.

8. Writing Is Well-Received

Some people don’t want videotapes of their dying relatives. Families of patients who struggled at end-of-life or endured a long goodbye often make some effort to remove those images from their minds.

They want to remember their loved ones as healthy and strong.

When I write a life story rather than record it for a video, this helps to ease those memories. This is especially true if my clients discuss earlier phases of their lives and want to be remembered as younger versions of themselves.

A Priceless Gift

Putting words on paper, and formalizing a lifetime of memories and experiences, has real value. Include others in the storytelling project or enjoy the solitude of writing it on your own.

You don’t have to be a celebrity to do this. Everyone has a tale to tell.

If you want a professional’s help, contact No Story Lost (use discount code ADS_2FreeBooks) or me at Anitya Doula Services to get started today.