The History of Funerals and Memorial Services
And why we need them today.
Funerals mean different things to different people, depending on their culture or religious background. Generally speaking, a funeral is when mourners gather after someone dies.
Typically, the body of the deceased is present and in a coffin. A memorial service is when the body is not present.
Our need to commemorate a death goes way back. Simple burial rituals were present in early human societies. Our ancient ancestors buried bodies in the ground and sometimes included tools, food, or mementos from their lives.
Many ancient cultures believed in an afterlife, and this belief affected how funerals evolved throughout the centuries. For example, the Egyptians mummified their dead to preserve them for post-death adventures.
Mourners placed the dead in elaborate tombs with possessions for the journey.
In ancient Greece and Rome, cremation was a common funerary practice for most citizens. They also buried the wealthy or powerful in elaborate tombs with symbols and beautiful art.
Funerals included rituals to honor the deceased and appease the gods.
This included washing and anointing the body, closing the eyes and mouth, and laying the body out for viewing. Offerings like libations and food were made to the deceased, and funeral feasts were held to express gratitude to those who participated in the burial.
Throughout the Ages
As Christianity spread through Europe, burial became the dominant funerary practice. They buried bodies mostly in churches and graveyards with clergy performing funeral rites. Catholic ceremonies were lavish affairs, and mourners created rituals that included large processions, the use of effigies, and elaborate public displays to honor the person who died.
Then the Protestant Reformation came and, with it, a toned-down energy in the services. Protestant funerals became simpler. The centerpiece of the service shifted to the sermon, emphasizing the message over everything else.
Many Protestant reformers, including Martin Luther, rejected the concept of purgatory, which had influenced Catholic funeral rites. This change led to a focus on salvation through faith rather than through good deeds.
The 19th century saw the rise of industrialization, and this had an impact. Urbanization led to the establishment of large cemeteries outside city centers. Funeral directors, undertakers, and morticians replaced clergy leading post-death ceremonies.
The funeral industry became more professional, and funeral homes offered a range of services. Embalming became more common in the Christian world. Cremation also gained popularity.
Today, funerary practices vary widely.
Cultural, religious, and personal preferences influence choices. Burial and cremation remain popular options. But other alternatives, including green or eco-friendly burials, have gained attention as people seek more environmentally conscious options.
Virtual Funerals
Thanks to technology, many daily routines are done effectively online. Office work, for example. Some of us attend school, shop for groceries, and reconnect with friends who live on the other side of the world.
The internet has helped during otherwise difficult and isolating years. But it only does so much. I officiated a recent funeral service that had more attendees online than in person.
This troubled me for many reasons.
Why Attend Funerals or Memorial Services?
Gathering together in person at funerals has long been a cultural and social practice. I prefer a physical presence during such events. It has tons of benefits.
Emotional Support
Being physically present allows mourners to connect with each other on a personal and emotional level. Hugs, shared tears, and comforting gestures provide a level of emotional support that cannot be conveyed virtually.
Cultural Traditions
Many cultures and religions have specific funeral rituals and ceremonies that are best experienced in person. These rituals often involve communal prayers that hold significance for the grieving community. My clients feel less alone when their friends and neighbors join in right next to them.
Acceptance
Gathering together provides a symbolic sense of closure for the bereaved. The physical act of saying goodbye in the presence of others helps reduce the risk of denial.
Shared Memories
Funerals often include storytelling and reminiscing about the deceased. Being physically present allows us to share and hear stories, creating a collective memory of the person who has passed away.
Social Support Networks
Funerals bring people together who share a common loss. These events help strengthen social support networks as neighbors offer condolences and assistance to one another.
The act of physically attending a funeral demonstrates solidarity within a community. It shows that people care about one another and are willing to unite through difficult times.
Non-verbal communication, such as body language and facial expressions, plays a crucial role in conveying empathy and support. These cues are more readily apparent in person than in a virtual setting.
Funerals and Memorial Services Aren’t For the Dead
These events formally acknowledge the one certainty we all share. No matter our status, race, gender, or background, we are going to die. Funerals and memorial services help us face that reality in a meaningful way.
They also normalize grief.
Sorrow’s appropriate expression, depending on our background and level of observance, allows us to move through the mourning process. It is often our most reliable way.
Funerals also provide continuity. Guests arrive with compassion and stories to share. Surrounded by caring family and friends. Reciting prayers or poetry. All a component of lifesaving grace for those who must find the strength to go on living.
Embracing, hugging one another, and holding hands often translates to hope and reassurance.
These gifts cannot be fully received through a WiFi connection.
The lack of human touch, and the absence of in-person care, agonize loved ones who’ve already suffered a heavy loss. Mourners attempting to make sense of despair should not be made to endure technical difficulties or faulty internet signals on top of everything else.
Literally holding each other during times of heartbreak – that’s how we heal.
It’s what we give and receive when we show up to funerals in person.
Let Us Mourn
Similar to other life cycle events, let’s make time and space in our community for funerals and memorial services. Let’s leave our homes, phones, and computers behind for a few hours and console one another.
Publicly acknowledging a loss, a loss too many have had to face alone, is a way to truly honor the dead and comfort the living. This is why we should attend funerals and memorial services.
Many traditions say our souls cannot exit this world without help from rituals. Souls left behind can’t heal without them either.