Don’t Say That, Say This

Visiting an ill or dying person profoundly impacts their emotional well-being.

You may wonder what words to use or what words to avoid. This isn’t easy, and many worry about saying the wrong thing. I spend much time helping care teams learn what to say, and typically advise people to get comfortable with silence.

The seriously ill and dying think about the entirety of their lives. This is a common ritual called a “life review.” It takes work.

When someone is reviewing their life, they’re quiet, but they're not ignoring you. As their awareness returns to the room, seeing you there helps them to feel at ease.

What we say at that point is vital.

The Importance of Sensitive Communication

Let's explore the importance of sensitive communication. I’ll also provide practical guidance and concrete ways to offer comfort, support, and understanding to those who most need it.

Don’t say, “How are you?” Say, “How are you feeling today?” or “I’m glad to see you.”

We get into the habit of saying, “How are you?” without thinking about it. It’s an instinctive way to begin most convers…